Monday, June 8, 2020

The Cruelest Month

"April is the cruelest month" ---  from a favorite poet, T.S. Eliot, and from my almost forgotten college days.  It really WAS a cruel month in the year 2020, but March, May and now June are not far behind.

In line with the general theme of this blog, I will focus here on lessons I have learned - mostly from kids, my kids, my grandkids, the kids I have taught --- kids of all ages (many are now adults) who have taught me.

I am trying so hard not to complain, not to wallow in self-pity, but it isn't easy.  When Covid-19 shut down most of the country, really most of the world, we all suffered great losses in our lives. I have been at home for about three months now, keeping a mental list of all the things I miss in my life.  I am quite sure most everyone has a similar list - having places to go, seeing friends, hanging out in a coffee shop, library or park, eating in a restaurant, going to the movies.  Do you play the game with yourself - if the virus is declared gone, and life can resume, where do I want to go first?

I have a brand new great-grandson, born on May 6, and I yearn to hold him, to see him in person.  When might that be possible?   As a family, we have already celebrated several holidays and birthdays via Zoom meetings - not quite the same as gathering in person, but better than nothing.  Thank goodness for modern technology to help us stay connected.

The blessings of family, a peaceful home in the country where I can remain "safely at home" for the duration, the financial security of retirement benefits, miracles like Netflix, Zoom and Facebook make all of this infinitely easier for me personally than for many others.  I am healthy, my family is healthy, that baby and his parents are doing just fine.

Gratitude for all my blessings in life goes a long way to soothe my restlessness, and then I think about my amazing grandkids. Back in early March, Kid #1 was at the peak of her gymnastics season.  She had an outstanding performance in a competition on a Sunday afternoon, and was filled with hope and excitement about the meets that were still to come.  But of course never did.   Kid #2 was preparing for similar competitions in karate, plus turning 16, getting his driver's license, and having braces removed.  The birthday came and went with little fanfare and everything else is still on hold. Kid #3 is a high school athlete, hoping to play college football.  There was no spring football, there will be no summer camps, and the fall season is doubtful.  His restaurant job came to an abrupt halt, so plans of saving for college and possibly getting a scholarship have vanished for now.   Kid # 4 finished college with no graduation ceremony, and no parties.  She is now a nurse, so she has a job - but of course Grandma is both proud and very worried about her health and safety.

They all miss school and miss their friends.  The older ones live on their own and are mostly working from home, and then staying at home at a time in their lives when socializing is how they usually spend whatever free time they might have. Their lives have changed much more dramatically than mine, and I have heard not one word of complaint.  They even listen patiently when I point out that they will surely have stories to tell their children and grandchildren in the future, and I am sure I have repeated more than once that this current situation really is a big deal - it is something none of us have experienced in our lifetimes, and none of us knows how the story will end.  Bless them for tolerating Grandma's rambling thoughts and words of wisdom. 

My most dramatic loss is probably the regular contact I had with my nonspeaking friends who type to communicate.  I try to stay in touch with their families and it is very reassuring to know that everyone seems to be doing as well as might be expected under some very difficult circumstances.  Day programming came to that same hard stop and everyone's schedule was severely disrupted.  Situations vary, but all of these folks need someone to support them 24/7.  Parents and home staff are indispensable, and it is critical that everyone stays healthy and safe.  Just exactly how they are all managing this is beyond my imagination.  But again, no one is complaining.  They are just doing what needs to be done.

So what are the lessons?  We all need to do what we can with whatever life sends our way.  Being grateful for our blessings is essential.   Complaining, or worrying, accomplishes little or nothing.  Life goes on and while it may never be quite the same, there surely will be better times ahead.

And from my typing friends who have special insights into such matters: Love will win in the end.  Stay strong.  Stay well.